still in the fight?

friends ~ it's been a while since we posted on our love dare blog.  today i am sipping some fresh mickey d's coffee...watching the rain...and thinking of all of you...

the official 40 days has long since come and gone but my hope is that there are many of you out there who, like me, are still in the fight.  the fight for a strong and healthy marriage.  there are days when i feel like i've been sucker punched and i can't get back on my feet.  other days i think that i'm the one doing the punching.  but i know that this battle is worth all the pain and heartache that goes into fighting it.  Strengthening my marriage means preserving a sacred relationship with my best friend, providing the best foundation possible for my little ones, and also allowing God to refine me in the process so that i can more adequately do all of the kingdom work He puts before me.


did you know that since we started this blog i have checked in from time to time to see if other folks are actually reading our posts?  did you know that on just the few occasions that i have checked our traffic i have seen people visiting from 13 other states (and even some from canada too!)?!?  if even one marriage is saved as a result of our movement to love our spouses well then it was all worth it...right?  maybe that marriage is yours...or someone you know.  if you are still out there fighting for your marriage would you respond with a simple 'i'm here!' or 'hanging in there!' or whatever else you'd like to say to encourage one another?  i keep being reminded that there are strength in numbers!  so let's hear from you - the good, the bad, and the ugly...we've all been there...


as we've already established - i do NOT read 'the love dare' daily.  but...i do think about it almost EVERY day because i am constantly running into challenges when it comes to being a kind, patient, and loving wife and i am going back in my mind and pulling from the scripture and words that i have tucked away.  


today i did pick up the book and read a chapter.  of course it was just what i needed to hear...


'Love Encourages'


interestingly i had just finished an intense morning of studying the scriptures on pride {i'm hoping to get out an entry on THAT topic on my blog during naptime today : )}


the reason this is so interesting is because i find that in my own life my ability to encourage my husband takes a nose dive right into the pavement (ouch!) every time my pride creeps in.  
our book says it like this...
Does your spouse feel like they're living with a speck inspector? (see Matthew 7:4-5)
Are they routinely on edge, fearful of not living up to your expectations?  Would they spend most days sensing more of your disapproval than your acceptance?


I am sad to say that I could answer 'yes' to those questions a lot of days.  This is doubly sad because I have a friend who a couple of years ago dubbed me 'the great encourager' because of my regular encouragement of others.  Why does my husband not get the very best of my encouragement?  Instead he often lives under the weight of my expectations of him.  Man...that's brutal.  


I am convinced that if we are not intentional about encouraging our husbands every day...that nasty ole pride will sneak right back in and have us slinging around expectations left and right (both spoken and silent) that gradually chip away at the heart of our marriage.


so...i leave you with great wisdom from a dear friend who is much further down the marriage road than me.  many times when i share concerns with her about my marriage she says one simple thing...
'you gotta go lower'  
(and i know she's not talking about a limbo stick...she's referring to my expectations)


today i commit to live by encouragement rather than expectations...how about you?