ok, girls...time to get real...
over the past several days i have spoken with many of you and inevitably every time i ask how 'the love dare' is going i get one of the following responses (1) eye roll (2) sudden guilt-filled confessional {seriously y'all...i know i work for a church but i'm not a priest} (3) an 'uggghhh' or 'oh geez' coupled with an expression that looks like you just got asked to scrub toilets for the rest of your life
here's what all of this tells me: #1 - this challenge is not easy and #2 - i should have set some ground rules at the beginning...so, here goes...
(1) NO GUILT - i don't care if you have already made it through the entire book for the 3rd time and have lovingly completed each of your challenges in a timely fashion or if you are still on day 1...in either case you have taken steps to improve your marriage and the way you love and that is to be commended. guess what guilt does... it leaves us feeling defeated and typically leads to us giving up {or worse - makes us resentful towards our spouses because we associate these feelings of failure with them}. one other thing - this guilt does not come from God...it comes from that other being who seeks to destroy us {and our marriages}...don't give him a foothold. and don't let him steal your joy.
(2) JOY and CELEBRATION - find time for this every day...this is the alternative to #1...it will give you hope and spur you on rather than bringing you down
(3) PACE YOURSELF - ok...time for true confessions - i have no idea what day we are supposed to be on right now. this morning i read day 16. i'm pretty sure that we are way past day 16 but that's where i am. for the first week or so i did a pretty good job of sticking to a daily reading but then i had a baby that decided to wake up an hour early one morning and then one day i decided to sleep in because i had stayed up late having a really amazing conversation with my husband and there have been a couple of days that truthfully i was just too tired and couldn't focus. SO WHAT?!?! girls - the point is not to feel like there is a drill sergeant standing over you barking orders about how you need to be on track every day never getting behind. guess what? there is no 'getting behind' because everything that you do in an attempt to love your husbands better is a 'step ahead' of where you were before.
Adhering to these guidelines will look different for each of us. Here's what it means for me: i'm reading each day when i can. if i don't get to a challenge one day i roll it over to the next {and the next if needed}...i would rather it be thoughtful and meaningful than rushed because i'm on a schedule. if one day didn't really sink in i re-read it another day. regardless of where i am in the book - or how many days have gone by since i actually picked up the book - i am THINKING and PRAYING about my marriage and about the ways i am choosing to love. sometimes this happens for 5 minutes when i am taking a shower. sometimes i have some thoughts {and a rare 30 minutes or so to myself} and i journal pages about what God is doing in my life. and another thing...i haven't been perfectly kind and patient every day...that is impossible...don't hold yourself to a standard that you can't meet. extend grace to yourself while also continuing to be disciplined.
whew! sorry...that was a lot. i wanted to blog today about the HUGE importance of being intentional in our marriages {even when it's hard and we don't feel like it } but i think i have probably already lost most of you. i have some really good insights to share regarding this and i hope they will put some fresh wind in your sails so please stick it out and come back in a few days to hear a little bit of what i am learning. in the meantime...let me know what you are learning {and NO guilty confessions!}.
still praying for each of you and your marriages...let God do his supernatural work in your life...this is too big of a task to face alone...
Beloved~I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. 3John 2
I think that was a much needed post my wise friend.
ReplyDeleteI for one am enjoying the journey of spending more time thinking and praying about my husband, myself, and our marriage...even if each day I don't execute the "dares" as outlined.